Friday, March 7, 2008
Feeling disconnected
I am feeling disconnected from just about everyone right now. I know the problem truly lies within my own frustrations. I am about two weeks away from finals. (not so bad except I hate one of my classes). My sister is having a hard time finding a job. And since I am the one with much more experience, I had the bright idea of finding a very part time job. I had to take time away from the kids on Wednesday to train for my new part time job of cashier. I resent that I had to be away from them for so long. So, how will I handle being away from them on the weekends (my only two days working) if I am resentful. Charles told me this would happen, and I didnt listen to him. I feel like we need a little extra money and I told him I didnt mind getting a part time job. He told me to just leave it alone and we would be fine. Now, I feel like he was right. I cant just quit though. That is not how I work. I will stick it out and see if my feelings change about the job. Next quarter, if I feel like it is too much, I will leave. I will miss soccer games and some other things on weekends. I just feel so ambivilent about working. I know we can use the money and yet, the little ones are more needy when I am with them because I am gone sometimes now. I like the people I work with and am learning the systems quickly, I just feel like I dont want to go, now that I am scheduled too. The other thing is that if he starts to get overtime at work, it wouldnt be worth it for me to work anymore. I guess we will see what happens.
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3 comments:
Oh Mary (((((Hugs)))) Call me!! I can always call you back on my house phone - free long distance :)
Until then, breathe deep and listen:
Quit your worthless job. Now. When situations feel *icky* it's our body's radar telling us to be somewhere else!!
When you really *have to* a crappy job will still be there, your kids will not. Be at home with your babies while they're still babies. Live in Gratitude, see those moments as the gifts they are, in your beautiful Now. Don't think you *should be* doing anything else - nothing is more important than the gift of your Self :)
Soon enough, you won't even have to mess with the crappy jobs nor the intense need your kids have for your time and attention.
Soon enough... All too soon...
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
P.S. Yay for Charles! :)
Oh Mary, I am confused too. I feel as Diana does, but I can also see your point for the extra money for a limited amount of time. If your schedule gets too conflicting you know what choice you have to make, and where you heart is. Babies don't stay babies forever or for very long for that matter. I look at Claire on my computer screen every day with that beautiful smile of hers and she never gets older. Bet she's changed a lot since then.
Loveya, Mom
I'm sorry you're having a rough go of it. I know how you feel about the job thing, I always think I will get a job, but I never do. While the money would be very helpful, the time is a big pain to give up. Hang in there:)
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