Venting.....

I feel nauseous. I don't like where we live. I moved out here six years ago because at the time Charles needed to finish school and I had no reason to stay where we were. He lived here with his family and he needed to stay here for a while. He had scholarships for welding and they were local. I tried to make it work here. I have had a few jobs here. I have made friends here, some of who are not friends anymore. We bought our first house here almost two years ago. I have had two of my babies here. I started unschooling here because the school system here really SUCKS! If we had stayed in Jersey, I would never had pulled the kids out of school. Tori really loved public school where we were. She never had a hard time, she had great teachers and they cared about her. So, it stands for something that this has been a stepping stone towards our future. The Tri-cities has really brought about some major changes in our lives. We both don't like it here. The only good thing about this place is the cheap mortgage and free schooling for college. The problem is that we cannot agree where to go. Our house here is so cheap compared to some other places. Anywhere we may want to go is way more expensive. We would both have to work, and the kids don't like it when I work. I personally don't mind working. I love to keep busy and love to help earn money. I wouldn't mind working in the middle of the night. I did it for years when I was a single mom in Jersey. Jersey. I am so homesick. I don't want to go home to live, just for a visit. I would love to live back east though. There is so much rich history there. If we lived there, there is so much I would do with the kids. We live in the middle of nowhere and it drives me crazy. I did so much with my family when I was little. I would love to do that with my kids. So, ever since coming home from the conference I have been slowly going into a depression. I feel like there is truly no unschooling support here. The ones that do say they unschool are not radical. They unschool curriculum wise. I have been reading so many other peoples blogs and they seem to be connected to other unschoolers. I know I can pick up the phone and call for support. I guess I just want to wallow in my own mind and feel sorry for myself for a while. And I am OK with that. But the kids are really starting to notice. I don't leave the house to take them anywhere any more. Sure we go to the store, but I haven't taken them to the park or the river lately. There are Homeschooling things going on but they are for the curriculum oriented ones here. Kyle starts soccer on Tuesday and that is all he can talk about. I am kind of counting the days to prepare to leave the house. Lately, I have been pretty grouchy. I am trying to not be. If someone needs me, I really need to take a deep breath to get the energy to go help them. Tori notices more than the boys. She has really been helping me alot. More so than before the conference. She knows I need her and she is happy to help me. She also knows I would never tell her to leave or move out when she gets older unless she is ready too. That is comforting to her. We were bounced around so much when she was little. I always wanted to have a house to give the kids stability. Now, after owning the house, I realize the stability is in our relationship not in a place. We could sell the house and travel and be happy with each other. And that is so cool. It is too bad that it took me so long to realize that.